Grit: Up Close and Personal

I can’t tell you how many times I have given my 'all' to something only to feel like it drained the life out of me. At the time I would tell myself there was a good reason for it, whether it was feeling like I had to work overtime to keep a job or push keeping a relationship alive because I did not want to face that it just wasn’t working out. I would end up feeling defeated, unsupported, and in the case of work I will admit I have had my fair share of some really bad bouts with burnout. The physical toll of work burnout can be really scary, and sometimes it got to the point that I felt like my brain was broken in a way that was irreversible - I would feel like I wouldn’t be able to show up the next day and perform basic functions. It was a difficult feeling to explain to other people - and on a number of occasions I even felt ashamed and alone in the process. 

The work situation might go something like this: “I am totally fried from deadlines, but I am just going to push through until the end of the week then I can relax.” Each day I would push through, working long hours, or even in the middle of the night to squeeze time in (when you have kids this can happen,) getting progressively more tired, getting generally more unhealthy by the day in some form (double up the caffeine, sugar, lack of sleep, and throw in a migraine here and there). By the time the weekend arrived, I would be so burned out I couldn’t see straight, and very likely I would spend the weekend just dealing with the fallout, maybe even indulging in unhealthy escapes or even just not able to really be present for loved ones. By the time I finally felt better, if I even felt better, it would already be Monday morning again (unless I had also done weekend work), and I would start the same pattern all over again. Gradually I would become more and more distant removed from the sources of strength inside of me, and the things that made me feel alive. Sometimes it would leave me with a persistent anxious feeling that whatever I would do would not be enough.

Now people often talk about the importance of having balance, or keeping healthy habits to keep us in check, and retain and bring on feelings of well-being - these things are all true, there are habits that can help keep us on track, and things that can help balance out the tough times and give us perspective and make life sustainable. 

However, what I found was that many times, as helpful as “habits” were that helped keep myself in check, I would internalize the work on my plate, and somehow find myself inevitably letting go of these things in the rush of a deadline, tell myself it was for some greater good, and rationalize that “good” that even though I knew feelings of burnout were coming on - I just had to keep going and I knew how to “dig in” and make shit happen - I had "grit" and I should somehow be proud of my own resilience. Then I might even find myself pushing work out when there wasn't a deadline and now I was just on "automatic" - and getting exhausted in the process.

In a job there’s always a feeling that we are getting paid, and we are contributing, so we will just put in the time. Certainly makes sense, right?

And let’s face it, there are days we have to get up and do the hard things; some of these days it’s hard just to get up, and we desperately need a break, but we just have to push through or find a way to make shit happen or “get it done.”

So we dig in - we may tell ourselves to have some grit: nothing is going to "keep us down" and push through the challenge. But what is the price we pay here and for what reward? 

What about the things we yearn for as people? The things we really want for our lives? Don’t those things matter?  Shouldn’t we make time and save some grit for what really makes us feel alive, and work towards a passionate goal because we are connected to it?

Grit is a beautiful thing when it is channeled towards inner good or some type of higher purpose. If you take away nothing else, make sure you are saving your grit for the things that really matter to you on a deeper level.

Angela Duckworth defines grit as a personality trait that combines perseverance and passion. The key word here is passion.  Because yes, there are things that actually can ignite us inside - that light a fire inside of us to the point that we feel compelled to do something about it. To me this is really where “grit” is best served.

I have also had a number of occasions where grit led to some amazing experiences:

• A animated music video where I recorded the song and collaborated with a brilliant illustrator to bring a story/concept to life as an animation with one of my favorite songs I had written.  The whole process took months, from pre-production to numerous studio sessions to the animation. The video went viral on youtube with over 250 million views, and it was called “I Am The Wind” - illustration and animation was by the amazing Yuliya Osyka.

• I completed a Spartan Trifecta race in 2018 that culminated in completing the Spartan Beast in Killington, Vermont. I planned this over years, did a whole bunch of NYRR races and training, and it was an amazing feeling.

• I got my project management PMP certification. Spent about nine months and failed the first time. Did something similar with AWS Solutions Architect cert.
  

Each of these things were really hard, or at least involved and took many hours and a lot of blood, sweat and tears to complete.  I had to have grit to push through all the obstacles in my way.  But each of them also had a big reward, for me personally, or for my job qualifications. The point here is not a bragging thing, though I am proud - but it is about doing something and putting in the grit and sacrifice for something that really means something to you in some way.

Next time you find yourself uprooting and disrupting your life for something, take a moment to ask yourself a few questions: 

• Why am I doing this?

• Is there a clear purpose that really serves me here that I really connect with?

  • My experience is that being deeply connected to purpose goes a long way towards having and maintaining grit, day in and day out.

• Do I find myself repeating the same behavior with no real apparent return?

• If this is not something I love, do I have to do this on off-hours?

• How am I feeling physically and mentally?  Am I tapped?  Could I use a walk?

• If I don’t feel connected to this activity and I really do have to “push through,” do I need a break to recharge?  Is there any way I can plan a recharge activity, or even a day off? Do I need to stretch, breathe, take a walk? When was the last time I called a friend? 

• How can I square away some recharge time?

• How can I make time for things I love or even just one thing that I do love to do?

Remember, you are the only YOU that you have - when no one is looking, when everyone is looking, when you go to bed, when you wake up in the morning. Get to know this person! Don't learn the way I did, it has been a hard road and I lost a lot of time learning these lessons.  Care about the person that you are with 24/7(Hint=You). Get to know what motivates you on the deepest levels and live by what you find that truly moves you. You deserve that much.